This information is for when you contact me for support outside of a Restorative System that you have created in your organisation.
I will have a short conversation with the person who contacts me about the conflict and we will discuss the best way of proceeding.
If we decide on a Supported Conversation, I will have pre-meeting conversation with every person who is impacted by the conflict. In this short conversation of around 30 mins, I will ask you:
I will also:
What is the Dialogue Process?
The question 'What do you want known and by whom about how you are now in relation to the act? is asked of everyone who wants to answer it.
The person this is directed at is then asked 'What did you hear being said?' and they have space to articulate that.
The first person is then asked, 'Is that it? is this accurate?' or some similar question, to which they affirm it is, or clarify if it isn't.
This has the effect of slowing down the conversation. Please note, we are deliberately trying to slow down the conversation to get to the meaning that actions (or lack of them sometimes) have for different people. When we drill down to the meaning, we can often find connection, willingness to understand and the potential to shift. per
In the Supported Conversation itself, we will allow around 3 hours, including a break, which anyone can call at any time. We will begin in any obvious place to begin, often the person who is most upset, aggrieved or unable to hear other people for whatever reason. I hold space and track time to ensure that everyone who wants to speak gets the opportunity.
Towards the end of our time, I will ask what needs to happen next and allow space to come to some agreement around that, which could be arranging another meeting, arranging support for any party in the conversation, or agreeing an action plan.
Figure: Building Restorative Systems online series, created by the Conflict Transformation Weave, NVC-UK
I will have a short conversation with the person who contacts me about the conflict and we will discuss the best way of proceeding.
If we decide on a Supported Conversation, I will have pre-meeting conversation with every person who is impacted by the conflict. In this short conversation of around 30 mins, I will ask you:
- What happened? (I will check I have full understanding of the meaning that this has for you. I aim to get understanding of the things that have been said or done and which are the reason the conversation is being called for. I often call this the 'act')
- Who else needs to be in the conversation (because you need to say something or hear something from them)?
- If you are willing to go ahead with the conversation?
I will also:
- share what will happen in the Supported Conversation
- check you have understanding of the 'dialogue process', which is the strategy of reflecting back until the speaker feels heard. I will demonstrate what this looks like in the pre-meeting conversation.
What is the Dialogue Process?
The question 'What do you want known and by whom about how you are now in relation to the act? is asked of everyone who wants to answer it.
The person this is directed at is then asked 'What did you hear being said?' and they have space to articulate that.
The first person is then asked, 'Is that it? is this accurate?' or some similar question, to which they affirm it is, or clarify if it isn't.
This has the effect of slowing down the conversation. Please note, we are deliberately trying to slow down the conversation to get to the meaning that actions (or lack of them sometimes) have for different people. When we drill down to the meaning, we can often find connection, willingness to understand and the potential to shift. per
In the Supported Conversation itself, we will allow around 3 hours, including a break, which anyone can call at any time. We will begin in any obvious place to begin, often the person who is most upset, aggrieved or unable to hear other people for whatever reason. I hold space and track time to ensure that everyone who wants to speak gets the opportunity.
Towards the end of our time, I will ask what needs to happen next and allow space to come to some agreement around that, which could be arranging another meeting, arranging support for any party in the conversation, or agreeing an action plan.
Figure: Building Restorative Systems online series, created by the Conflict Transformation Weave, NVC-UK