Ceri Buckmaster
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  • Welcome Home
  • About Ceri
    • What people say about learning with Ceri
  • Nonviolent Communication
    • Conflict support >
      • Conflict Support: What happens in a Supported Conversation or Restorative Circle
      • Conflict Support: Building Restorative systems >
        • De-escalation strategies
        • Conflict and Grief work in South London
    • Personal Safety, Empowerment and Nonviolent Protection
    • Bystander Intervention
    • Grief work
    • Schools work
    • 1 Foundations of NVC >
      • 2 Foundations of NVC
      • 3 Foundations of NVC
      • 4 Foundations of NVC
      • Self Empathy Steps (1) >
        • Self Empathy Steps (2)
        • Self Empathy Steps (3)
        • Self Empathy Steps (4)
        • Self Empathy Steps (Request)
        • LASER (Enemy Image) Process
        • The Wheel of Self Responsibility and Dialogue when triggered
    • needs based approach to money
    • Systems savvy study group
    • Empathy Injection >
      • How to nurture your life
      • Holding Space for Each Other
  • Invisible Food
    • Street Food
    • Cook like a Caribbean
    • Women Making History at the Museum of London
  • Writing that Connects
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy
  • Listeners for Loughborough
  • Complaints Policy
​
  1. When you want to react. Notice what is happening.
  2. Get support. (See 2* below on naming triggers ‘live’)
  3. Connect to your feelings and needs. What is happening for you? What needs of yours aren’t being met?
  4. Consider what might be going on for the other person? What needs of theirs are they trying to meet?
  5. See if you can recognise that conflict and tension are natural, and are drivers for change.
  6. Move from disputed territory; proving right and wrong, innocent and guilty and with someone who has the power to act as a judge. We are all conditioned with this so be aware of this.
  7. Move into the objectives of direct dialogue:
    1. acknowledge hurt,
    2. acknowledge responsibility,
    3. step into learning and growth,
    4. move from disputed things to ….
    5. sharing the dilemma and  ….
    6. making agreement about next steps.
  8. Have direct dialogue, with support. Stay close to your feelings and needs and theirs. Don’t attempt direct dialogue if the person has harmed you and you are not resourced to engage.
  9. Reflect, Integrate, celebrate, mourn
2* If you are triggered by what someone has shared, in the moment, name that and get support “I’m feeling triggered and I need some support to self-connect around it. Can someone listen to me about it?” Whether this is done live (in the moment, with the whole group) or not depends on the relevance of the issue to the group’s purpose (for example, if a group’s purpose is raising awareness around inclusion and exclusion, then someone naming another person’s blind spot is relevant, if a group’s purpose is making an action plan for a campaign, it may be relevant to prioritise a different space for this.)
 
 
 
 

© Ceridwen Buckmaster www.ceribuckmaster.co.uk
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